(Note: Last autumn, long before I took a sabbatical from blogging in general, several events collided into a mini-explosion that left me uncertain whether or not the Muscle Girl site was going to remain in my life. Shortly thereafter, I quit blogging altogether, even at paythepiper.wordpress.com. Recently, I re-entered the blogging world at my main site, but still couldn’t decide what to do with Muscle Girl. After some consideration, I’ve realized that I like my alter-ego far too much to deny her her own forum – she is, after all, a very big part of my everyday life. And so I have decided to resurrect this blog, though in a more limited form than previously. I’m not sure just how this will happen – whether this will be just a medium for fitness-related thoughts and opinions, or if I will once again record daily workouts and photos, too… but I’m going to let this evolve in its own way. Regardless, I’m back. And happy to be here!)
A few months ago, while I was still in Canada, a fellow gym-goer approached me as I was between sets of Romanian deadlifts. When I’m working out alone, I always listen to my ipod, and so it took me a moment to realize that he wanted to talk, and wasn’t just greeting me in passing. As I pulled out the earbuds, I caught the tail end of a sentence that contained the word “shoulders”, but as I hadn’t heard the rest, I couldn’t really respond. The following sentence headed in what I thought was a different direction entirely, with his comment that I looked stronger than most men… I’m 5′ 2 1/2″ and at my “fat” weight, I am 112 pounds. It isn’t often that I hear remarks like that so I’m afraid I laughed… but I was nice in my response that while I wouldn’t care to challenge most men, I probably am strong for my size. And then came the shoulder comment again. It was pretty straightforward: “You have amazing shoulders”. Frankly, it left me even more flabbergasted than the comment on my strength.
My shoulders are my hardest body part to train, and they limit me in training other areas, too. Most especially chest. I have tendinosis in my right shoulder, a chronic condition that flares up from time to time and hampers heavy lifting, and I have learned to train around it, mostly successfully. But never, ever have I considered my shoulders an attribute. This comment gave me pause to reconsider. I’ve often joked to my long-term trainer, Mike, that yep, I may have pretty shoulders, but dang, they’re almost useless. I have always just attributed my very square and broad shoulders to good genetics, and not only have I written off any effectiveness they have beyond that, but I also tend to ignore training them as much as is possible. My attitude has always been “Well, they’re just weak and defective anyway… what’s the point?”
But these comments from a total stranger, linking strength and my shoulders, made me pause and reconsider. I stood and looked at myself a long time in the mirror after he left, and even now, months later, I find that I still do. This sounds conceited and smacks of vanity, I know… but that isn’t what my new-found appreciation is all about.
No, it is something else entirely. A comment from a total stranger, in fact, made me stop and not only reconsider my preconceived notions about my shoulders, but also, about myself in general. And I’ve come to realize that I have been guilty of two things to which a lot of us fall prey, the first of which is underestimating my strengths.
I think we all do this at one time or other. We take for granted that what we do well is something ordinary, something that everyone can do, and something that no one else would ever appreciate. But this most certainly is not true. Each of us has strengths, of course, but they vary from person to person, and what we might find normal and ordinary is often something other people find difficult to achieve. I, for instance, write well. It comes naturally to me. But I am not even mildly artistically inclined. I cannot draw or paint or make music, talents that seem like magic to me but come naturally to so many others in my family.
In the gym, I have different strengths. I am disciplined, work hard, and have no problem whatsoever with motivation. I’ve never seen that as abnormal, as these are traits that I apply to other areas of my life, too. I am, in fact, occasionally accused of being a bit obsessive, and maybe even compulsive, so over the years, I’ve learned to see these traits as faults. But I’m starting to realize that, other people’s opinions aside, they are not.
One of my other strengths is, well, my strength. I often fail to realize just how strong I am, because I am diminutive compared to so many of those around me. Training in gyms amongst body builders and power lifters, and recently, in a gym owned by Ontario’s reigning “Strong Man” and a woman who holds power-lifting records, I have developed a slightly skewed view of what “strong” really means. It wasn’t until I stepped back and looked at the general population that I could see that, pound for pound, I am stronger than average. My perception of my physical strength has been distorted, and is a perfect example of not recognizing an area where I excel.
But beyond all of this, I’ve also realized that I am guilty of another habit, one that is perhaps even worse; in areas where I think I can never become outstanding, I don’t even make the effort to improve. We are all guilty of this to some extent because as easy as it is to discount our strengths, it is easier still to ignore our deficiencies. My inattention to my shoulders is a perfect case in point. My shoulders are damaged, it’s true, and I probably won’t ever be able to make them really strong. But rather than ignoring them, I should, in fact, be giving them extra attention. Precisely because they are weak, they are even more in need of training, care and attention than my stronger body parts.
I’ve recently begun to pay special attention to my shoulders. In most gym workouts these days, regardless of what else I’m training, I try to include at least one shoulder exercise. At the very least, I spend some extra time stretching and working on my poor shoulder mobility. I’m determined to take care of this part I have neglected for so long, but it definitely isn’t easy. Facing areas where we are damaged, or injured, or just naturally weak isn’t always pleasant, but until we do, we can never learn how to take care of ourselves, or ever really heal.
And healing is necessary if we are ever to improve, ever to reach our full potential.
I’ve always known that my shoulders are broad physically, but only since I’ve stopped ignoring them have I come to realize they are strong figuratively, too. I generally carry my burdens without a great deal of complaint, and that is a strength. But just as building strength in a weak part requires care and attention, so too does maintaining it. For the first time in my life, I’m actually focusing on that. I am learning how to recognize what it is that I truly need – whether physically or spiritually – and where it is that I can find it. I am learning how to extend to myself the same consideration I used to reserve just for others. And just like so many of us need to do, I am learning – finally – to nurture myself.
That is where healing begins.
